- Me with romantic interest: Hi, how've you been lately? How's that project you're working on? Yeah? I'd love to see sometime, dude! How's the family? Good, good. Well, I'll talk to you later! Yeah we definitely need to hang out more often. Hopefully see you soon! :)
- Me with platonic friend: YOU GORGEOUS CREATURE HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE LAST I SAW YOU? HOW I'VE MISSED YOUR LUCID DIAMOND EYES, UGH I JUST WANT TO KISS YOU AND MAKE SWEET, SWEET LOVE UNDER THE MOONLIGHT. WHY ARE YOU SO PERFECTLY SCULPTED, ARE YOU AN ANGEL MADE OF MARBLE LET'S GET MARRIED.
- Me with closest friend: What up, foul beast? You smell of butts. I'm going to fuck your mum.
Just so we’re clear if I say “shut up” and you say “make me” I am instantly thinking about making out with you
also just so we’re clear if you say “shut up” and i say “make me” that is most definitely an invitation to make out with me
Plot twist: There is no third Hobbit movie. They cram the entire rest of the book into Desolation of Smaug, and they don’t tell anyone about it. So you sit in the theater for six hours, completely unprepared as the film just keeps going.
Plot twist: It’s also the first episode of Sherlock Season 3.
I’VE BEEN GUARDING MY TREASURE JAWN
men should take advantage of the lack of dress code rules set for guys and wear mini skirts and tank tops to school every day
OH MY GOD LAST YEAR THE DUDES ON MY CLASS HAVE DONE IT
AND THEY GOT ALL CALLED IN THE PRINCIPAL’S ROOM
BUT THEY DIDNT GOT IN TROUBLE BECAUSE
THEY SAID EXACTLY IT “BUT THOSE RULES ARE ONLY FOR GIRLS”
I’M NOT EVEN JOKING
i want there to be an angel that descends from the heavens only when someone is being stupid
and the angel just gently places their hand over the person’s mouth
and whispers in a voice filled with heavenly beauty and love
LOOK IT UP
NEW FAVORITE ANGEL